The anti-iTunes rant.

*This appeared first in an e-mail to my friend Roger, and I most graciously accept his permission to reproduce it here. But then again, it was my rant, so I mean to say that I most graciously accept his willingness to share the words he inspires me to write with the rest of the world.

Here it is: A well-scripted piece o' brain gunk that the general contractor of inter-personal relationships then mixes and uses as mortar for the brick wall that forms the foundation for our friendship. And...I'm drunk.
But seriously, I'm coming to realize that my own quams with the iTunes are, well, just a couple. First, it's still difficult to start a word with a lower-case letter, and then switch to a capital one, and then finish the word as normal. It's just not right man! It's like a sequel to Aliens Vs. Predator. The knowledge that you screwed up the first one SO ROYALLY makes you think that you can go out and make another that will not only be better, but will leave people wondering what they were smoking on the first one, or worse, make them go back and see the first one, and then come out crying that they now have another movie to add to the long list of "Name a movie where the sequel was better than the original," or some crappy ice-breaker small talk thing that they use at parties when people are tired of playing Spoons, or when keg stands lose their fun because some frat idiot thinks it's cool to try and get the wheelchair kid to do one, and he ends up getting his head caught in wheelchair kid's spokes on the way down, and he's wearing one of those stupid neck braces after, and can't turn his head, and so eating peas at dinner is just gonna piss him off more, and...well you get the picture.
Seconds. and I'm being serial. I like the physical having-ness of the CD. I understand you usually save a couple bucks from buying on that service that begins with a lower-case letter that now refuse to spell, but then my friend comes to me wanting some Chris Cornell, and I can't give it to them without the CD or authorizing them, and I'm down to my last authorization. So what to do. And to make matters worse, I'm stuck in Italy without my CD's, well I just have this growing list of artists I want. This kind of jammy, but trippy Soundtribe Sector 9, Leroy, there's some good stuff out there that I want. But if I hear that damn Rihanna song about music that stops, and she doesn't want it to stop, and so there's some complaints about who is actually stopping the music, and so they try to figure out who is trying to stop the music, and these people, they are hoping that whoever it is does not actually stop the music? I want that song to end. To just freaking disappear. I would ask that of Rihanna, but she's got this forehead you can probably land small planes on, so if her music career falters, they'll probably just fly her down to the Amazon, and sink her in the river so her head can be used as a small dam to help fight soil erosion. Because that's a big problem down there.