Dead Fish with Almonds

A little nibble to get your pelagic fix for the day.* Coincidentally, this dish pairs extremely well with Hoist by Phish, or Eat A Peach by the Allman Brothers).

This dish was inspired by my good friend Jon (that's his sexy mug there. Oh yes Jon, I Googled your ass in the middle of a Stirling coffee shop), who was overheard at a party describing the bands that are the cornerstones of his musical being. “The Dead, Phish, Allmans,” he said. A tremendous writer and a remarkable base of musical information, this dish is for him. The ‘shrooms just seemed a “natural” addition to the musical origins of this dish.

My mom always told me that my eyes were bigger than my stomach, but I spent years trying to prove her wrong. There was a reason I was always the star at the kid’s table during the big family get-togethers…I would finish anything, and everything. So, as a professional chef, I’ve tweaked that old statement a bit, and basically live by the rule that if your eyes are bigger than your stomach, well then your fist is just about right. This recipe follows that general rule. It’s also a little jab of patriotism, because despite being easier for all practical measurements, I’m not ready to convert to metric…yet.

Dead Fish with Almonds

For this homage to Jon, you’ll need some fish, some almonds, some mushrooms, some olive oil, some garlic, and some salt and pepper. A fork and plate help as well, but I’m not here to push Western eating styles on you, so just follow your heart.

Pre-heat your oven to about 425 degrees. Or Gas Mark 7. Or 220 degrees Celcius. Or 491.33 Kelvin. That should about cover most people’s ovens.

Take a good-sized piece of fish, preferably dead. If it’s still alive, then you can employ the “fist” method, by holding it with one fist, and punching it with the other (brilliant!) Use a nice, white-fleshed fish, such as halibut, haddock, or cod.

What about those almonds…are they thin sliced ones? Cool. Whole ones? Fine…just fist’em up until they’re smaller chunks. Actually, use a knife…I don’t want to be held responsible for pointy-almond-related injuries.

Take a good fistful of mushrooms, and cut them up. White mushrooms are fine, but if you can splurge on something nicer, like shiitakes or even chanterelles, then all the better.

Lightly oil a baking sheet, and lay out the fish flat, and to one side. Season with salt and pepper.

Take a clove or two of garlic, and smash with your fist, making sure to remove the skin. Place in a bowl with the mushrooms, pour over a few seconds worth of olive oil, and add a bit of salt and pepper. Now mix in about half the almonds. Pour the mixture out onto the other side of the baking sheet, so you’ve got the fish and the mushroom mix, side by side. This way you’re only using one baking sheet; it helps with cleanup.

Put the rest of the almonds in the bowl, add a touch more olive oil, and smear that mixture all over the top of the fish. You can put some more smashed garlic in there if you want, but make sure it’s good and chopped up, so it’s better incorporated into the fish.

Now stick the tray in that wicked hot box you call an oven. If so much dust has accumulated after years of take-out and disuse to the point that it bursts into flames…well, that’s a hint that you should cook more.

7 minutes! Seven minutes in heaven, or seven in hell, from the fish’s point of view. Enough time for one cocktail, 2 fun-sized candy bars, or a quick call to the parents to boast about your mad cooking skills, courtesy of a mad cook.

Remove the fish (it should be perfectly cooked at this point…but if not…cook it longer. What do you want me to say?) Then consume, with your socially approved eating devices. And then pass this proper pelagic procedure on to potential pescetarian persons.

Not a bad dish, if I do say so myself. Jon, do you concur?

*Don’t be embarrassed, I had to look up that word too.